“She was such a NICE person…”
When I’m gone, I want people to remember me fondly. Which they will, I’m sure… because I’ve never been a tyrant or mass murderer or anything extremely evil like that. Those guys always get a bad rap after death. Obviously. But there are many assholes who fly under the radar. I’ve known a few myself. You know, those people who are complete assholes, treating people like shit, beating their wives, abandoning their children and generally pissing people off their entire lives… and when they’re dead, people say, “Oh, no! He’s gone? Oh, he was a nice guy.” Uhm. No, he wasn’t. He was a prick. You don’t have to say nice things about him just because he’s dead. He was an asshole, he treated you like shit and you’ve never had one nice thing to say about him until now! Let’s be glad he’s dead! Because, he wasn’t ever NICE!
Luckily, I’m not one of those assholes. I’ve lived a generally good life and plan to continue doing so until I can’t anymore. I have made an effort to NOT be an asshole when being one could have been a lot easier. So, hopefully, when I’m gone, people remember that about me. And, these things, too:
- She believed in “giving back” and helping, mentoring and counseling others.
- She was half-blind, but she never let that stop her from seeing the bright side of things!
- In a world of idiots, she had a lot of common sense.
- She told it like it is and people appreciated her for her frank and open, deep conversations. (I think that’s a song, but whatever.)
- She was knowledgeable. And, what she didn’t know, she simply faked. That took balls.
- Her family was the butt of many jokes and crazy stories, but she loved THEM more than life.
- She wasn’t that great of a mother, but she was better than many and she did her best to give her kids a good, fun and memorable life.
- No one really knows WHY her husband loved her so much, rumor has it she gave fantastic massages and was a mean pillow-fluffer.
- She learned early in life that things were just THINGS… they didn’t define who she was, and living up to society’s ideas of what makes a person seem “successful” was total bullshit. She minimized her life, reduced stress, shot the proverbial finger at the judgey assholes who mistook her for a failure, and she really lived happily ever after.
- She loved beaches and fruity adult beverages more than any other person I know. Hopefully she passed away at an old age on a beach, in a hammock with a book in one hand and a piña colada in the other.